I am from before Time, born of Gaea
into a state of pure energy. Ever watchful, I float in space, always aware, always curious, but without physical form. The
Others work ceaselessly to create the patterns of life, in a place where there had been none. From these patterns, a need
emerged and Gaea called to me.
"Ilya." Gaea whispered. "Time has begun,
and it is for you to carry on."
She meant incarnate.
I admit, I resisted. Even then, I knew it would not be easy. She did not speak of embodiment as an immortal, as the
Others were. She meant organic form. Human. The first human.
Gaea spoke again, "You are my beloved daughter. Only I would ask this of you."
Like any mother,
she did not ask. She told.
A lump of clay, worked until soft and pliable. Sculpted
with intention. Split in two. Expanded with the breath of life, and…there I was. I remember how heavy I felt. Weighted
limbs and cumbersome torso with eyes that could see so very little.
a thought, I could be on the other side of the Universe. Now, I could barely lift my head. Fingers and toes, arms and legs,
all foreign, all moving in different directions. Hair and eyes, nose and mouth, and the noise! Chirping, rasping, clicking,
rattling, thundering noises. I was both terrified and exhilarated. It was like nothing I have ever experienced before or since.
I discovered the thunder I heard was my heart beating. The rush of wind was my breath. The rivers were my tears. I
shrieked in panic and clawed at this new body that I did not understand.
me!" I pleaded to Gaea, "Release me back to the wild."
The echo of
my voice startled me. And a deeper voice answered.
"Stay, for we are of each
My eyes began to focus, and I saw before me another, made of the same feeble flesh and bone as I, and yet, different.
"I am Anyal," he said.
Anyal was not his real name for I had known him before, in the realm
of spirit. He was an entity with thought, but no body. He, too, had forsaken his freedom for this brave new world created
by our mother. How could I refuse to stay with him? We had been created together.
We were both
frightened and we clung together.
We lived in a place surrounded on three
sides by endless water. Our land was filled with trees and plants in brilliant colors, an untamed, rich growth that smelled
of warmth and dark soil.
Anyal and I were happy. The earth fed us on succulent fruits, roots and nuts. Never did we slay an animal
to feed ourselves for they lived peacefully with us. Anyal and I, we explored all, including each other. We knew the pleasure
of our bodies and delighted in each other. Our energy was equal, without jealousy, and yet still with that wildness of heart.
I loved Anyal. I loved him from the first breath. I know he loved me.
Yet, he betrayed
Is it important that you know how? I think not. But imagine your deepest wound, when your blood runs in rivers, and
you weep in desolation. That is my betrayal. When there is nothing left to do but go into the wild, when the unknown is better
than the known.
I came into this body to be the mother of all humanity. I left when no child I birthed would live. I went into the
wilderness of my own grief and betrayal, with horrendous lies echoing throughout the Universe. I had only the consolation
of my own strength, coupled with bitter tears that eventually washed away the pain.
The only one
who believed in me was Gaea. She cradled me in the boughs of her trees, warmed me with earth’s fire, soothed me with
the waters of her womb, and caressed me with her breath. I began to believe again, believe that there was hope for humanity,
and for myself.
What happened was all for a reason.
There was only one thing I refused
her, even though I was grateful. I refused to take my place as one of the Others when my time came. Instead, I returned to
the organic. I chose to become human.
I know Anyal
looks for me, but he will not find me.